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useful phrases for working with children

I collect phrases. When I hear a string of words that resonates, I try to capture them in my mind or on paper. We are constantly trying to find the words to use with children — words that set limits, words that encourage, words that include.

During my school’s work week, while carpet was being installed in my class, I chatted with the teachers and administrators — what are some of your favorite phrases to use with children?

Here are 13 phrases, covering general interactions, alternatives for “good job”, conflict resolution, and the big one, redirection and limit setting. As you can see, most of them don’t just tell, rather they engage the child, help the child recognize their needs, and give the child the opportunity to be a problem solver. It’s not “Carry the tray right”, we say “Remind me, how do we carry a tray?” By engaging the child with these underlying ideas, we are giving them autonomy and a sense of control, rather than being controlled and just telling them what to do.

General

I see. . . or I notice. . .

Phrases that help redirect behavior and set limits

Remind me. . . (where you should be) (how we carry a tray)

What can you say?

You are showing me. . . (that you are not being safe with the scissors)

What would be a safe way to do that?

I found something that belongs to you! (usually a work that is left out, a jacket on the floor)

Would you like ______ or _______, you choose. (Would you like to put on your pjs or brush your teeth first? Would you like to put away the puzzle or the art work?)

Conflict resolution

Tell me a way that you would like me to help.

How can we work to solve this problem?

What do you need to feel better?

Words that encourage and recognize effort

It looks like you really enjoyed that work.

Tell me about your work, what’s your favorite part?

That’s a tough one, but I think you can work it out.

What are some of you favorite phrases? Leave them in the comments so we can all share!

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montessori approach to allowance — real practical life

My daughter hoards stuffed animal, cats are her favorite. She prefers them in the $3.00 or less category (which you can find at almost any store) and every month, that is where her spending money goes. Is it what I call a quality item? No. Would I pick it to spend my money on? Not at all. Is it my decision? Nope, and that’s why it is so important.

We started giving Imogen an allowance a year ago when she was about 4 and a half. It all began because anytime we went into ANY store, there was always, the “I want!” “I need!” and even though she didn’t “get” those items, it was still a constant power struggle — so we transferred some of the power, her own little spending money.

I did a little research and we went with the system where the child separates all her money into three categories: Spend, Save, and Share. There are some pretty cool ready-made banks for this purpose.

Moonjar Classic Moneybox: Save, Spend, Share

and

Money Savvy Pig – Blue

I wasn’t looking to make that much of an investment when we started this journey. So I used some clear zippered pouches that I had, they were from the Martha Stewart line at Staples. They are easy to tuck in my purse (I always carry the spend pouch), it is easy for her to add and remove her money — for us, pouches win. Pinterest is also full of Spend, Save, Share jar tutorials, by people much craftier than I.

Now, this is how the system works for us — Imogen gets $12 a month, at the beginning of the month — I give her all $1s. Of the $12, $2 goes into Sharing, $4 goes to Saving and $6 goes to spending. If you google “How much allowance should my ? year old get” most people recommend a dollar for each year of their age, per week. So that would be $20 a month for Imogen who is 5, I find that to be a little too much, especially since we don’t require to buy her clothing, or items like that. $12 seems more appropriate, so that’s what I went with. Any birthday, or extra money is also divided in the same way.

I pay her monthly, it is easier for me to remember (I use cash anyway for most my monthly purchases, so I just add her $12 to my monthly withdraw). Also, I would rather have her budget her money all month.
We just use these three categories. I know others have a tithe category that is separate from the share, and still other people that have children saving for cars and college. To me the saving for college and a car is a little too abstract. What I want now is to instill the idea that there are items worth saving for, and the habit that every time you get money, you divided it up, some for now, some for later, some for others.
Her allowance is not connected to any chores. The idea that she helps around the house is a given and is not rewarded with money. I think this is very important in a Montessori type house. Children help around the house because that is the expectation, not because they are being rewarded.

What has Imogen gained from having an allowance?

Some things are cheap and they break easily. She now throughly inspects every stuffed animal she buys for loose threads or holes. The disappointment she went through when her cheap junk that she has purchased breaks, taught her much more about quality than I could have.
Buyers remorse. We did tromp back to a store once to return a $1 Japanese novelty eraser.
Budgeting — She use to go through her spending money by the 3rd of the month. Now she is more thoughtful about her purchases, is constantly figuring out, if I buy this, how much will I have left?
Delayed gratification. She is saving HER money for something big (one of those large stuffed animals), we aren’t buying it for her, it’s her choice and purchase. I have a feeling when she finally had enough money, and we buy it, it will be her favorite.thing.ever.
The joy of sharing. She has plans to buy a good friend a gift with her share money, and then buy cans of cat food for our local SPCA.

children and allowance, a montessori approach — how Imogen feels about her allowance

Allowing her to have her own money, and make her own decisions about how to use it, has really been an exercise in practical life. In a Montessori home, we are always looking for real ways to give children ownership and responsibility for their actions, what better way to help prepare them for life than to trust them with their own money.

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monthly bread, may — it’s the experience, not the product, right?

April flew by without bread, whoops! We will aim for two loaves this month to make up for it!

So, I was feeling a little nostalgic when we were planning this loaf of bread, and I went to an old recipe that I remember making about 7 years ago with my stepdaughter (she went through a bread baking kick). I thought it was the first loaf we made together, but looking at the date on Soulemama’s post, I know there were loaves before that!

My nostalgic memory is of a delicious perfect loaf of bread. Unfortunately, I don’t know what happened, but I imagine in was our fault and not the recipe’s. And really, I’m the only one that even noticed the overly dough texture despite the extra long baking time, and super strong honey taste — the family inhaled it!

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why i don’t do examples

I don’t make examples. Not for artwork, not for crafts. The only time I must produce something like a drawing is when I give a metal inset lesson, and then I carefully fold my work into fourths and put it in my pocket. The same extends to home, I try not to draw for Imogen.

Why am I anti-example? Because to me, the work, whether it is a metal inset, a watercolor, or a Mother’s Day Craft, is process oriented, not product. And that’s where I want the child’s focus. Did they enjoy making it? Do they think it’s beautiful? Did they choose the colors they wanted? It they are constantly following my example how are they going to learn to be happy with their own work?

This is much easier at school than at home. Our art shelf is only open-ended materials. Scissors, glue, tape, paper for cutting, pencils, clay, and a collage tray. We rotate through watercolor paints and other materials during the year. When we do have a new work, like watercolors, and I need to give a lesson, I use the same piece of watercolor paper and simply make lines. Focusing the child on the process of getting the water, cleaning the brush, etc., and not on what I am painting. When I have finished my lesson I say, “I made lines, you can make whatever you wish.”

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handmade beeswax lanterns

*** please use caution when crafting with beeswax, especially with children. Wax is extremely hot, and can burn ***

These beautiful beeswax lanterns aren’t so much a Valentine’s Day craft, but the coming holiday, and our school’s craft sale, were the reasons Imogen and I decided to made another set of these.

We first experimented with this project before Christmas, she loved giving “her candles” to her grandparents and other family friends — they are a simple and stunning homemade gift.Continue reading “handmade beeswax lanterns”

2013 — half a year in review

Hoping that everyone had a holiday filled with peace and love. Ours was delightful, filled with just enough of everything.

My favorite part of 2013, is this, montessori works. I love the community of fellow Montessori, Waldorf, Reggio, eclectic teachers and parents that I have interacted with both here, and through other blogs, websites and facebook. One of my goals for this year is to be here more, and I do want this to happen, because, like everyone else, I am trying to find just enough balance in home, work, screen time etc.

Now to transition from just enoughs to superlatives, here are the most pinned, most viewed and then my most favorite posts from last year.

Continue reading “2013 — half a year in review”